You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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