youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
