capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
