dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
