i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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