So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
