The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize