Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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