It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize