pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
