I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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