Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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