She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.