i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
