kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
