What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
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Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
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Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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