do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
