nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
