i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
