I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
