I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window