drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.