hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE