how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic