Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy