Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
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I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
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A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.