My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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