i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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