Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
