my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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