He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
