My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
