Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
