I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
