that's an acceptable place to lick
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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