How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
