Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
