thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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