You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
