I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
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just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
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You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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