She is in my trunk
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
