Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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