dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You pole danced in your parka.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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