when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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