people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
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