I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
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Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?