so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis