We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
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So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
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yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy