She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
