you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
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Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me