Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?

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  (415): How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control? http://tfl.nu/y9i1
  Replies (27) Good night (1727) Bad night (3787)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.

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  (701): My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying. http://tfl.nu/rpdb
  Replies (32) Good night (7235) Bad night (821)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??

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  (856): Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray?? http://tfl.nu/zh2p
  Replies (36) Good night (1231) Bad night (4147)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"

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  (905): while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger" http://tfl.nu/ftph
  Replies (20) Good night (4363) Bad night (1186)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Wow that was a lesbian tornado.

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  (201): Wow that was a lesbian tornado. http://tfl.nu/1am2
  Replies (14) Good night (3691) Bad night (1194)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.

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  (631): I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex. http://tfl.nu/s72v
  Replies (4) Good night (1938) Bad night (846)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties

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  (731): He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties http://tfl.nu/51c2
  Replies (5) Good night (3078) Bad night (790)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".

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  (815): Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime". http://tfl.nu/6eu2
  Replies (3) Good night (2438) Bad night (954)
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  (510): View more from California

  Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.

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  (510): Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages. http://tfl.nu/67hf
  Replies (2) Good night (1397) Bad night (480)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.

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  (610): My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help. http://tfl.nu/86v6
  Replies (8) Good night (1558) Bad night (668)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator

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  (914): Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator http://tfl.nu/9f4r
  Replies (2) Good night (912) Bad night (422)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.

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  (617): I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities. http://tfl.nu/2ow7
  Replies (1) Good night (669) Bad night (349)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!

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  (352): So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality! http://tfl.nu/jnql
  Replies (0) Good night (614) Bad night (313)
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  (657): View more from California

  Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot

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  (657): Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot http://tfl.nu/2wlc
  Replies (3) Good night (634) Bad night (392)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life

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  (978): So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life http://tfl.nu/9wbt
  Replies (1) Good night (481) Bad night (223)

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