So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.