No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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