I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
