fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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