I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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