sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
