why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
