it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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