Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
