I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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