Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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