Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
