I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She's the barista slut.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
