We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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