She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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