dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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