whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Randomize
