Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
