I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
