My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
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Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
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We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I want to fling myself into the sun
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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