Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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