i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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