I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
