fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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