I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
