Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
