I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
