remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
