Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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