the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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