My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Omg I joined a choir last night...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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