Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
